Teaching children to identify emotions: how can I help my child name what they feel?

Why does my child find it so hard to explain what's wrong?

A child may cry, shout, hide or go quiet without being able to explain what's happening to them. Sometimes we see their behavior, but we don't know the emotion behind it. They may even feel several things at once.

Between the ages of 2 and 6, children are learning to recognize what's going on inside them and to explain it. They can't always tell whether they're angry, disappointed, nervous or sad.

That's why, when we try to help them, we don't need to start by asking “What's wrong?” We can try something simpler: “Did it make you mad that it didn't turn out the way you wanted?”

It isn't about guessing what they feel, but about offering them words so they can recognize it little by little.

Research by Denham and colleagues found that children who understood emotions better also showed stronger skills for getting along with others. Learning to recognize what we feel can also help us understand what's happening to the people around us.

Does it really help to name what my child is feeling?

Imagine your child is playing and a tower falls down just as they were about to finish it.

They might shout, throw the pieces or storm off angry. In that moment, they may not yet be able to explain what upset them.

You can go over and say: “Oh no! It fell just as you were finishing it. Did that make you mad?”

Sometimes, finding a word for what's happening to us helps us understand it better.

In a study by Lieberman and colleagues, adults who named emotions while looking at images showed a reduced response in some brain areas linked to emotion. This work helps us understand why talking about what we feel can be useful, although it doesn't mean that naming an emotion will automatically calm a child down.

What matters is staying with them without imposing our own interpretation.

If you say “You're sad” and they answer “No, I'm mad!”, you can use the moment to ask what happened. The conversation matters more than getting it right the first time.

How do children learn to tell their emotions apart?

We learn to recognize emotions by observing situations, listening to how other people describe them and connecting them with our own experiences.

Showing them a sad face or a happy face isn't enough. They also need to find out what happened, what they were expecting and how they feel afterwards.

For example, the same situation can bring up different emotions. When a friend leaves, one child may feel sad, while another may be angry because they wanted to keep playing.

Emotions can also change. We may start out feeling angry and end up feeling sad, or be happy and nervous at the same time.

A study by Grosse and colleagues looked at how children's emotion vocabulary expands between the ages of 4 and 11. Little by little, they take on new words that let them describe what they feel more precisely.

We can use stories, games and Cleo & Cuquin episodes to ask how the characters feel and what happened before. This way, children discover that an emotion is connected to an experience, even though we can't always work it out just from someone's facial expression.

How can we learn to recognize emotions with Cleo & Cuquin?

A good way to start is to watch “Emotion Song” by Cleo & Cuquin together.

In this episode, Cuquin wants to play with a robot that keeps breaking, and different emotions appear. We can use what happens to talk with our child, without them needing to know all the words or give the right answer.

• Look at what happened. Before asking what the character feels, notice with your child what has happened. Did something break? Did he get what he wanted? Did something unexpected happen?
• Ask what he might be feeling. “How do you think Cuquin feels?” Let your child answer in their own words. They might say he's sad, angry or that they don't know.
• Help them find the words. If it's hard, you can offer a few options: “Maybe he's sad because the robot broke? Or did it make him mad?”
• Connect the story to their own experience. “Has something like this ever happened to you?” They don't have to share a personal experience if they don't want to.
• Talk about what you feel, too. You can tell them you felt happy when you finished something, or frustrated when it didn't go the way you expected. This way, they discover that emotions are part of everyone's life.

You don't need to do it all at once. Sometimes, one question and a few minutes of conversation are enough.

Frequently asked questions

References

1. Denham, S. A., et al. (2003). Preschool emotional competence: Pathway to social competence? Child Development, 74(1), 238-256. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8624.00533
2. Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
3. Grosse, G., et al. (2021). Let's talk about emotions: The development of children's emotion vocabulary from 4 to 11 years of age. Affective Science, 2(2), 150-162. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-021-00040-2

Expert signature: Valle Molinero, Licensed Psychologist M-33177, Co&Co Training

Review date: October 29, 2026